Alex Rider and Plot Bunny Meadow
by ScOrPiA pOiSoN
Summary: What would happen if everyone's favorite teenage spy wandered into Plot Bunny Meadow? Read and find out! pretty plz R&R?
1. Alex goes to the meadow

Hi there! Haven't you wondered what would happen if Alex stumbled into a meadow filled with plot bunnies?

Disclaimer: If Anthony Horowitz was female, then I might have a chance of owning Alex Rider. Too bad he's not.

Alex and Plot Bunny Meadow

Alex was bored; bored as hell. He decided to take a walk through a park nearby his house, which had a thickly wooded area that was excellent for him to just walk and think. Deep in thought, the boy wandered deep into the woods and unintentionally started thinking about his life. His mind was filled with questions he didn't have the answers to. What would've happened if he killed Mrs. Jones? What if his parents and uncle were alive, albeit in a comatose state? While Alex was drowning in these doubts, he hardly noticed the change in scenery. Instead of trees galore, it was a meadow. Filled. With. _Rabbits_…

A random rabbit hopped up to the confused Alex. It had sandy blonde fur and haunted brown eyes, and it was holding a semi-automatic Browning. "I joined SCORPIA after killing Mrs. Jones and became a murderer. Yassen was alive the whole time and became my mentor," the rabbit said in a serious, but in a somewhat squeaky voice.

Quickly walk away from the bunny and gun, Alex thought. A little deeper in the meadow, there five rabbits appeared in front of him. There were two black ones, one with blue and one with brown eyes, a brown furred rabbit with blue eyes, a ginger one with green eyes, and that blonde bunny except the brown eyes weren't quite so haunted. The black furred, blue-eyed over-sized rodent roared, or more like squeaked loudly, "Cub rejoined K-unit after pissing off a few major criminal organizations! What is it with that kid and trouble?!", then paused to glare at the blonde bunny, who just stared straight ahead with cool indifference.

Warily edging away, Alex was wondering just how many more rabbits he was going to meet when he stumbled into a rather…intimate…scene. Two rabbits, both blonde, but one with blue eyes and one with brown eyes, were doing…well…that is…things. Not to mention what unfortunate Alex was hearing as well as seeing. A little more than disturbed by the scene of Yassen-bunny and Alex-bunny, said unlucky boy made to get as far away from the pair as possible, he promptly tripped over another…moment…

"What the hell?! What's with the rabbits that look like me and the rabbits that look like Yassen," Alex paused his rant to look at the bunnies, "and…Wolf…" his voice dropped to a shocked whisper.

Poor Alex backed away and sprinted toward the edge of the field where a large group of rabbits were crouched, trembling with fright. Hmm, they look kind of like my class, Alex mused before noticing the same blonde rabbit (he was getting tired of all the rabbits) and two black rabbits cradling 9mm Glocks in their paws. It was amazing that a small rabbit easily disarmed and rendered two big rabbits unconscious.

After tying up the two rabbits using duct tape it got from who knows where, the crowd of bunnies began assaulting the blonde rabbit with questions like, "Are you really a spy?", "Did you ever kill someone?", and "Can you shoot a gun?" settled in Alex's ears as he stared in horror as the Alex-bunny's identity was uncovered.

Said boy fled from the meadow, from the woods, and didn't stop running until he slammed the front door behind him. When Jack looked at him questionably, Alex said shakily, "I'm never walking into a forest while doubting myself _ever_ again."

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	2. Alex goes to MI6

Hi there! I decided to make another chapter of APBM courtesy of The Kind Reviewer!

Disclaimer: These are worse than the snakeheads! I- DON'T- OWN- ALEX- RIDER. Got it?

**Alex and Plot Bunny Meadow**

Alex stumbled into his room reflecting on what he just witnessed. One, he just walked into a field full of _bunnies_. Two, those bunnies strongly resembled important (or somewhat important) to his life. Three, what should he do about it?

The young man's thoughts were disturbed when Jack gently knocked on his door frame and came in. "Alex, honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried.

Alex snorted. "You wouldn't believe me. I hardly believe what happened myself!" he muttered.

"What? Did _he_," Jack said, emphasizing "he", meaning Blunt, "get killed?" she finished hopefully.

"No. . . But I wish that could happen," Alex said sullenly, and then looked confused as he continued, "I was just taking a walk in the woods at that park across the street and I must have accidentally wandered into this weird . . . meadow filled with . . . rabbits," Alex explained.

"Uh-huh. And next you'll tell me those rabbits resemble you and other people you know," Jack scoffed disbelievingly. Seeing Alex's face, she said, "Are you sure any criminal organizations didn't spike your drink with some hallucination drug?"

"I'm sure that no drugs have entered my system! I can understand but it really happened!" Alex exclaimed. He was saved from further worried nagging, courtesy of Jack, by the doorbell ringing. "I'll get it!" yelled Alex, sprinting out of the room before his caretaker could say a word.

Outside the door, Tom was wondering what was taking so long for Alex to open the door. _If he was on a mission, he would've told me. _Right before he tried the doorbell again, the door flew open with a rumpled Alex on the front porch. "Hey Al! What's up? Besides the clouds of course!" Tom enthusiastically said, pounding the blonde boy on the back.

"Hey Tom, you'll never believe what happened to me today!" said Alex, "Come in, by the way."

While walking in, the best friends started talking about school, football, and other stuff. Out of pure habit, they went up to Alex's room and sat down on the bed. "So, what's with you this fine day?" Tom cheerily asked.

"Hnn . . ." Alex mumbled.

"Come on, don't give me a half-assed answer!" Tom sniped.

"Fine, would you believe me if I said that I wandered into a meadow full of groups of bunnies resembling me, you , and everyone around us, doing random stuff that could possibly happen in my life?" Alex deadpanned.

"Uhh . . ."

"Exactly!"

"Uh, it's not that I don't believe you, but that's pretty crazy. Maybe you could ask your people to look into that for you," Tom spewed out.

"Two things wrong with that, Tom. One, they aren't my people. Two, why the hell do you think I should go with them?!" Alex protested.

"Well maybe this is a plot from SCORPIA or whatever to try and drive you insane!" Tom chirped.

"Yeah, like you're not doing the job for them," Alex retorted sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Well I still think you should go talk to them!"

--- at the R&G ---

Blunt looked up at his door opening; Mrs. Jones entered with Alex on her heels. The head of MI6 asked, "What seems to be the problem, Alex?"

Alex tiredly sat down in front of him and said, "By any chance, does MI6 know about a place where rabbits that strongly resemble me and people around me hop amok?"

Head and Deputy Head of MI6 looked at him in surprise, or in Blunt's case, ALMOST looked surprised. "How do you know about that?" Mrs. Jones asked with a suspicious tone in her voice.

"If it's real, then let's just say I wandered in while brooding on my life and wondering what would happen if this happened and this didn't happen," Alex warily revealed.

Alan Blunt looked at Alex Rider. _He is a very remarkable boy._ Said boy always managed to get into trouble and survived getting out of it. The fact that he discovered one of MI6's most well guarded secrets was astonishing. Alan couldn't even fathom how thinking about his life would lead him to the embarrassingly named Plot Bunny Meadow.

"Since you signed the Official Secrets Act, we can trust you not to tell anybody about this right?" Alan questioned. This wasn't good, judging by the boy's face.

"Well, I already told my best mate about it . . ." Alex trailed off.

"Sometime in the near future, please bring him in the sign the Act," Mr. Blunt replied.

"Okay . . . So it's real, it exists, but that still doesn't explain the fact that there was a rabbit that looked like Yassen, a rabbit that looks like Wolf, and two rabbits that look like me that were bloody mating!" the boy exploded. Tulip and Alan looked at each other at alarm. The same thought was running through both of their minds at the same time: I hope he knows that that's a possible path his life could take.

"So, Alex-," Mrs. Jones was cut off by Alex's exclamation:

"What the bloody hell is that place anyway?!"

So should I make another chapter? Please tell me in your review! Click that little green button right there!

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	3. Tom goes to the meadow

Hiyas! Here's chapter three of Alex Rider and Plot Bunny Meadow!

Disclaimer: for your information, I am a female and live in the USA. Does it sound like I own Alex Rider?

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**Alex Rider and Plot Bunny Meadow**

"Al, are you sure that this place exists?" Tom asked.

"Yes, I'm sure, so are you going to not tell anybody about it?" Alex snapped.

"Okay, okay, don't get your knickers in a bunch!" Tom retorted. Alex looked at him wearily. They had been bickering for half an hour already. Tom stubbornly refused to go with Alex to Plot Bunny Meadow. Why, Alex could not figure out.

"Well you said that there were two Alex-bunnies, one dead assassin-bunny, and one bastard of an SAS soldier doing . . . things together! What if I see a Tom-bunny doing something similar?" Tom reasoned.

"Keep away from the deeper regions of the meadow and you should be fine," Alex cut in, "so are you going or not?"

"Fine, I'll go, but if I see anything mind-scarring, I blame you," Tom grumbled. One smiling, the other scowling, the two boys left Alex's room and ate lunch in the kitchen.

"So where are you two going after lunch?" Jack asked. Alex quickly replied before Tom could say anything about the weird bunny field:

"Just the park across the street."

"Don't get lost, don't get into any fights with assassins, and don't blow anything up," said Jack. Tom stared at her.

"You're not serious, are you?"

"Oh, Tom, she is dead serious. Where ever I go, trouble tends to follow," Alex deadpanned. Tom stared at Alex. "Anyway let's go!" The blonde boy dragged the black-haired one out the door.

-at the park-

"So . . . this _place _is supposed to be in the woods on the other side of the park?" Tom confirmed.

"Yep, so the last time I went here, I was brooding on my life, asking philosophical questions in my head. I'll try to do that again while we're wandering in the woods," Alex instructed. The best mates wandered into the woods.

Tom watched his best mate carefully. His eyes grew dark, like they did when he just got back from a mission. Looking around, Tom noticed the foliage changing. It wasn't a gradual thinning out of trees, but it seemed like the trees were melting to the ground and grass sprung up in the trees' place. What caught him by surprise was Alex's yell of triumph.

"Yes! I made it back here again!" Alex whooped.

"Yeah but what about the mind-scarring images you saw?" Tom bluntly asked.

"Remember, keep away from the middle of the meadow," Alex advised. They walked forward a bit and were confronted with . . .

"OH MY BLOODY FUCKIN' GOD!" the two boys yelled in unison. Right in front of them was two rabbits, an Alex-bunny and presumably a Tom-bunny _kissing_. They weren't even that far into the meadow! How was this mind-scarring image RIGHT HERE?!

"ALEX, YOU SAID THERE WERE ABSOLUTELY_ NO_ MIND-SCARRING IMAGES IN THE EDGE OF THE FIELD!!!!!!!!" Tom shouted.

"Whoops?" Alex sheepishly apologized.

"Forget it . . . let's go see those bunnies fight!" Tom yelled, easily forgiving Alex and going off topic. The bunnies fighting, however, were Alex-bunny, Michael Cook-bunny, and Michael's gang in bunny form. Alex-bunny was using awesome bunny karate moves and knocked out the gang. About then, Cook-bunny was cowering in fear and Alex-bunny threatened in a high-pitched voice, "Do you really want to insult me and Tom again?"

Tom made a really smart observation, "That threat just doesn't hold any water with that high-pitched voice . . ."

"Well all the rabbits talk _all shrilly and basically like squeals._" Alex said the last part with a squeal.

"Now I know how guys with Barbie model girlfriends feel," Tom grimaced. "This place IS pretty creepy though- is that ME _at a rabbit version of SAS training camp?!_" Alex took a good look and said nonchalantly,

"Yup, it is possible if a terrorist organization threatens me and you so we have to go to BB for protection."

"You know, sometimes, Alex, you are downright cheery aren't you?" Tom said with sarcasm dripping off every word. "Maybe we should take Jack here! See what pops up in front of her!"

Tom cheered, then looked scared shitless at Alex's evil smile.

"Thanks, Tom, you just gave me a hell of a lot of ideas," Alex evilly laughed.

"Uh oh."

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So how was that? I decided that I'm going to make Alex bring people to Plot Bunny meadow and make the plot bunnies scar their minds forever! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Not all the time but people's reactions to mind-scarring stuff for them is pretty damn funny!

PLEASE R&R


	4. Jack and Eagle fo the meadow

Hi there! I have a bunch of excuses as to why I took a little bit to update, but the main one was that I was too lazy. D:

Disclaimer: when will all the stupid lawyers of the world realize that if we actually owned the story we wouldn't be writing FAN fictions about them!

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**Alex Rider and Plot Bunny Meadow**

Tom and Alex were sitting in Alex's bedroom, plotting on how to get Jack and Eagle, who she was currently dating, to that weird rabbit place. The fact of the matter was that Jack still refused to believe Alex and wanted to get him checked and Eagle . . . convincing him would most likely end up with getting beat up by Alex for being annoying (just like a mini-Wolf!), tied up, bound by duct tape, and dragged all the way there. So you see, the boys have a little dilemma.

A loud crash sounded from downstairs which could only mean one thing: lunch. Only Jack with Eagle in the same kitchen with her could make so much noise. Shaking their heads in disbelief, the blonde and black-haired raced down the stairs for their simple lunch, also hoping that food would give them an idea on how to get Jack and Eagle in that field!

"Oh . . . my . . . god . . ."

The sight that greeted them in the kitchen wasn't a good one: somehow, peanut butter got on every solid surface in the kitchen, including the two adults that were standing in the middle of the room. "How?" Alex asked, not bothering to phrase a multi-syllable question.

Eagle looked sheepish as he explained, "Well you see, somehow the peanut butter was really chunky and wouldn't spread on the bread, so I stuck the jar into the microwave for a few seconds."

"So _how_ did the stuff get everywhere?" Alex asked again, feeling like a parent scolding a child for stealing a cookie from the cookie jar.

"I took off the lid and the peanut butter exploded," Eagle squeaked out, squirming under Alex's unwavering gaze.

"Jack," Alex said, "tell me again why you chose to date this apparently brainless person?"

Jack shook her head and only said, "He's really sweet, even if he manages to coat the whole kitchen in a sandwich spread." Hearing the word "sweet" gave Alex a diabolical plan to get the two grown-ups into Plot Bunny Meadow. Struggling to keep his maniacal grin off his face, the fair-haired boy dragged his best mate out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and back into his room.

"You have a plan," Tom assumed.

"Yep and this is how we're going to do it," Alex cackled.

---

"Alexander John Rider! Get here this INSTANT!" Jack screamed at the top of her lungs. Nothing answered her shout except a faint echo of her command. The reason for her being upset? The troublesome two handcuffed the young couple together and in a way so they couldn't reach the lock with a hairpin. Poor Eagle just had to get dragged everywhere Jack stormed over to.

When the redheaded fury that is Jack stomped outside to look for her ward, Eagle spotted candy on the ground. He couldn't resist; the big tough SAS soldier grabbed the bite-sized Snickers bar and ate it. "What are you doing?!" screeched Jack.

"Eating," the soon-to-be victim of a broom unintelligently replied, with a crumb or two dropping out of his mouth. Eagle's attention was soon diverted from the woman handcuffed to him when he spotted a roll of Smarties lying in the middle of the street. Being much stronger than his girlfriend, the boyfriend crossed the road, picked up the candy, and dragged Jack. From the park on the same side of the street, teen super-spy and his support system were barely containing their guffaws at the sight of a full grown man, dragging an American woman that was handcuffed to him, following a trail of candy that led to the small copse of trees where PBM was hidden.

Candy. He couldn't resist the candy. Right about now, if he got a hold of that much candy, his unit members would've dog piled upon him and tied him up until the sugar wore off. Usually he would also be gagged because his jaw just couldn't stop moving and his vocal chords couldn't stop vibrating when he ate sweets. Practically ignoring the shrieks of his girlfriend, the strange looks he got from civilians and the little voice in the back of his head that said something was up and that he was following a trail of food, Matt, a.k.a Eagle, promptly ran into a tree when the trail ended.

Alex and Tom made their appearance from behind two thick trees and amusedly looked at a disheveled Jack and a semi-conscious Eagle. "How are you two doing?" Tom sweetly asked.

"Shut up," the semi-conscious one moaned.

"We're taking you somewhere special!" Tom gleefully piped up. Jack groaned. Now she knew why Alex wasn't talking: Tom knew how to drive anyone up the wall and with style.

"Come here," Alex gently ordered. His caretaker warily got up, and somehow dragged Matt to where Alex was. He tied a rope onto the handcuffs, woke up Eagle with a slap the face, got Tom next to him and they set off to PBM.

---

Seeing an adult's shocked expression was worth the trouble they went through to get to this point. "It does exist," Jack said half to herself, "Alex wasn't going loopy; that or he somehow injected me with a hallucinogen."

"Don't you owe someone an apology?" Alex innocently asked. Jack could only woozily nod. He gave a tug on the rope, and when she turned, he saw a certain soldier's face at being in a meadow filled with rabbits. He couldn't help it, Alex started cracking up. Eagle's face was a mixture of curiosity, suspicion, and dizziness.

"Let us walk!" the best mates cried out. Jack and Eagle watched the bunnies hopping around them with shock still written on their faces. Stopping at a certain pair of bunnies, Jack saw a bunny similar to her and a Wolf-bunny making out. She almost fainted. Eagle glared. If looks could kill, Wolf-bunny would have been vaporized on the spot.

The blonde and the black-haired looked at each other happily and watched the scene carefully. Jack suddenly started laughing, Eagle became uncharacteristically grumpy, and more bunny scenes were noticed. Especially the one with Jack, Fox, and their kids. (A/N let your imagination go wild on what Eagle sees, what Jack sees, and just to get it firmly implanted in your head, Alex and Tom are now laughing their butts off)

-at home-

"I want to hear it again," Alex cheekily demanded.

"Fine, I was wrong, you were right. Plot Bunny Meadow really does exist so can you stop interrogating me?" Jack complained. _The hunter becomes the prey_ Alex inwardly laughed. Tom was feeling the same way. That kid was just sadistic in every way possible (except of course when someone was tortured right in front of him with knives and all that stuff).

"Hey, Cub, since you hate your bosses so much, shouldn't you get them to look at that _place_?" Eagle spat the last part with venom. His next thought: uh oh. Cub had that look on his face again. The one that clearly said he was plotting his revenge against certain blackmailing people.

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I wasn't too pleased with this chapter. I think either one, I'm developing a mild case of writers block, or two, I'm just tired.


	5. Blunt and Jones go to the meadow

Hey guys! I know, you all want me to update Masked Dancers and were maybe expecting an update last week, but I began my french homework last week :( and had to memorize pages and pages of vocabulary and verbs. I'm still not done :( THEN I got distracted by some anime and manga. Procrastination never ceases to exist as long as I'm around -_-

I decided to write this just for the heck of writing it, and when I was looking at the reviews for this story, I found one by The Magic Bringer that mentioned a mega-bunny, so I HAD to use a mega-bunny and Blunt&Jones together in one chapter. Hehe.

Disclaimer: I contacted SCORPIA and using all the money in my pockets right now, hired an assassin to threaten Anthony Horowitz to give us, at the bare minimum, Yassen and K-Unit. But they didn't let me hire an assassin with 50 cents and a piece of lint.

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A man walked into the Royal and General bank wearing a black fedora and sunglasses. The collar of his black sports jacket was turned up, concealing much of his face. He didn't look shady at all. The man arrived at the secretary's desk and placed a blank envelope on the table, briefly flashing an ID at the lady sitting behind the counter. "Pass this to Blunt and Jones," he muttered, turning around and leaving the building afterward.

The secretary inspected the envelope, and finding no suspicious traces of any illegal or harmful substances, she put it into the pile of other mail/death threats for the heads of MI6. Later that day, the pile made its way up to Blunt's office. The majority of the papers were thrown into the incinerator waste basket, but the one blank envelope caught his attention. Blunt cautiously lifted the flap and took out the note inside. At that moment, Mrs. Jones walked in.

"Ah, Tulip, good thing you're here," he said, not bothering with a greeting. "I have just received a suspicious note from an anonymous sender. I would like you to read it and tell me your opinion about it."

Jones took the note and quickly scanned over the words. "Sir, I think we should send out an agent to check the affairs of Plot Bunny Meadow."

Blunt nodded. "My thoughts exactly."

* * *

The two heads couldn't find anyone with the proper clearance that they trusted to know about the meadow, so they decided to go themselves. One of their cliché black cars dropped them off in front of the forest concealing the meadow. Blunt and Jones quickly marched over to the bunnies. Everything seemed to be in place, but just to make sure, the heads walked around the humping bunnies, bunnies with guns, bunnies strongly resembling members of SCORPIA, and bunnies that hopped around aimlessly, checking up on each of them.

It was then when they saw it. There was a very boring looking gray bunny. With a black bunny with a bad haircut. Doing the nasty right in front of them. Blunt and Jones couldn't take their eyes off of the rabbits. It was horrible but they couldn't stop looking. Both felt a shudder of revulsion crawl up their spines, yet they _still_ couldn't stop staring. The bunnies didn't look like they were going to stop any time soon either. They just kept going at it and going at it. An obscenely fat bunny hopped into the scene and turned it into a rabbit threesome. It was absolutely horrible.

Finally, Blunt broke out of the trance and quickly dragged Jones away from the… active rabbits. "I'm sorry, sir, but do you have any mind bleach? I think I need to wash my brain," Jones muttered rubbing her eyes as if it would erase the images burned into her retinas. Blunt shook his head; he stopped carrying mind bleach with him after it spilled once and caused a huge fire.

The two continued walking, though with much more caution and care, lest they run into another scene like… that. Unfortunately, they couldn't avoid them all because of all the horny little plot bunnies fanfiction authors and authoresses thought up. This time, they found their best and youngest agent "playing" with the enemy, the supposedly dead Yassen to be exact. The bunnies were *bleep*ing like, well, bunnies.

"I think I'll go soak my eyeballs in bleach after this," Blunt remarked, massaging his temples. He and Jones decided to walk past the horny bunnies and sit down where a less smutty plot was being enacted. This had to be their worst decision.

They paused in horror at what was happening in front of him. Two of the rabbits, which had thus far only been hopping alongside one another, suddenly began to merge, the space between them growing smaller and smaller. Soon, one huge, grotesque mega-rabbit was standing where it had been, and more and more of the smaller rabbits seemed to be swept up in this mega-bunny, allowing it to grow even more.

Jones sorely regretted wearing heels that day. The two heads screamed, acting quite out of character, but the situation called for it. The constantly growing mega-bunny continued to lumber behind them, catching up rather quickly. Using their heads, the heads dived to the side, Blunt to the left and Jones to the right, in hopes of confusing the mega-bunny.

It didn't work. The mega-bunny was made from the minds of fanfiction writers after all.

The mega-bunny roared and ate Blunt. Jones screamed and stumbled into the forest, which the bunnies somehow couldn't get through, so she was safe. For now. Through the cracks between the trees, Jones could see the mega-bunny sucking up more plot bunnies, growing bigger and bigger, until it was the size of a small house. Jones turned and sprinted for the car, jumping in and ordering the driver to floor it. The black car sped away leaving skid marks on the road.

Alex jumped down from a tree and observed the mega-bunny which had grown into an ultra-mega-bunny while Jones was screaming. He never knew giving a plot bunny marshmallows would turn out so wonderfully. He wrote this effect down and planned on who his next victim will be.

He cackled happily, drawing a large "W" on the paper.


End file.
